Because the Loss of Teddy was an International Incident
by Semebay
Summary: Someone steals America's teddy bear. Heta Kink Fill


**Title: **Because the Loss of Teddy was an International Incident**  
Character(s) or Pairing(s):** USA, Canada, Poland  
**Rating: **PG  
**Warnings: **Crack. England vs. France. Teddy bears.  
**Original Publication Date: **January 17, 2010  
**Summary: **Someone steals America's teddy bear. Heta Kink Fill

* * *

America had never been this distant. Canada watched his brother warily, wondering what had happened. It certainly wasn't another terrorist attack; September 11th had been welcomed with massive, gaping wounds, and vomitted blood. It _hadn't_ been met with a moping teenaged blond.

Maybe the weather was really getting him down. Or the swine flu had suddenly mutated and gotten stronger in his country (but then wouldn't he be sick? Maybe he was sick, and was just being quiet about it).

Either way, being the loving sibling that he was, he felt it was his duty to at least act concerned.

"Al?"

America didn't hear him, and Canada tapped his shoulder. The American's skin shivered, but other than that he didn't notice him.

"Al!"

America _still_ didn't notice him. Canada was tempted to give up, but then an idea struck him.

"Big Mac!"

"Oh, hey Mattie!" America suddenly chirped. Canada frowned. America didn't sound all that enthusiastic about his favorite food (and when the hell had he become less important then a quarter pound of grilled meat?).

"Something wrong?" Canada pressed, wondering if he should bother. Thinking about it, it was kind of nice seeing his brother mope (or it was disgusting; he wasn't quite sure what it was yet).

"Teddy's gone."

Canada frowned. "I know you loved him, Al, but that _was_ a long time ago. I mean, it was his time to go, and I bet he was okay with it (if not happy about it). Besides, there was nothing you could do. It was a heart attack, and-"

"I didn't mean _that_ Teddy," America grumbled, but he looked even more out of it than before (_great_, Canada had successfully poured oil on the fucking fire).

"Then what Teddy?" Canada sighed.

"_Teddy_ Teddy," American mumbled under his breath, and he looked to the side.

Canada blinked. Was he on drugs?

"So I, like, totally picked out the clothes," a loud voice rang out, and Canada's eyes drifted to the Pole across the table. "I was going to, like, go with a light blue, maybe a baby blue, but then I saw this pink, and I just _had_ to have it. I mean, it totally goes with its eyes, right?"

Canada didn't understand much of what Poland was saying, and he stared at the tiny bear in his arms. It was bright pink, with a pink and white bow sewn on one ear, and it was clothed in a heart-patterned shirt and a tiny pink skirt.

"But first, I had to, you know, change its color. I mean, brown is such a drab color and everything! I mean, it's like poop or something, right, Liet?"

Canada wasn't sure exactly what had happened. First, Poland had said something about finding the bear (sans clothing) on a table. Then, his brother was airborne, diving over the table and tackling the poor, gender-confused nation.

Then there was chaos.

England and France had started a war in their corner (though that war may have already been ongoing before everything went straight to hell); Prussia had disappeared and Austria was looking around nervously as though prepared for the worst; Russia was looming over Lithuania and the other Baltics; Spain had fallen as a result of a knee to the groin, courtesy of Romano; Italy had pulled a bowl of pasta out of nowhere; and, finally, Germany was rocking back in forth in his chair. The other nations were doing... unspeakable things.

And then there was America. And Poland.

America was trying to throttle the nation, screaming things such as "His name's not Macy!" and "What have you done to Teddy?!"

Canada contemplated death. A beautiful end to a stressful existence. Death for him, death for his fucking idiot brother, hell, he was tempted to jump out the window. Right now.

"Al?" Canada ventured, watching the confrontation with concerned eyes. Poland was beginning to turn blue (_baby blue_), and his brother's jerky movements were becoming more erratic. With a sigh, Canada picked up the stuffed bear and looked at it. "Is he serious?" he asked the bear. Of course, he didn't receive an answer (thank _god_, that would have been awkward). He looked back at his brother, then reached forward and tugged on his shirt. America didn't notice.

He yanked on his shirt, and his brother was pulled to attention. He didn't release the Pole (who had turned a _fabulous_ shade of purple).

"Al?"

"Yeah?"

"Let him go."

America pouted. "But Teddy-"

"Let. Him. Go."

America dropped him. Poland gasped for breath, and Canada held up the bear.

"Is this Teddy?"

America gave a short nod.

"Do you want to go buy some dye?"

America gave him a blank stare.

"Don't you want to dye him brown again?"

America pouted and nodded his head.

"Then go buy some."

America disappeared almost immediately, and Canada took a moment to look around the room. The Baltics had paused to watch, and Lithuania gaped at Poland. Russia looked amused, and other various nations stirred. All noise had stopped (well, not really; France and England were still fighting. England had the upper hand, and was repeatedly smashing France's face into the wall. Apparently, his pirate blood was boiling). Canada nodded at Poland, muttered a quick apology, then fled the room.


End file.
